Category Archives: Life with Good Humor

“Oh, that’s how you do it!” is my theme. I will be 80 years old in a few months. I will describe how I have gone through life’s flip-flops, and you can say, “If she can do it, so can I!”

With My Therapist: Microwave Tale

Microwave Tale

She: Why was I standing there laughing at myself this morning in my kitchen? I was thinking, Why is it that you have such a clean microwave oven? Well, the reason is that once again I blew something up in it.

Therapist: How often does that happen, Nancy?

She: Oh, about once a week. Maybe I should put it on for just a few seconds and not press the minute button.

Therapist: You think?

She: you see, this morning, the sunshine coming in the window overwhelmed me. This is the third consecutive warm day in New England this year. That caused me a moment of utter joy. I was distracted.

Therapist: What was it?

She: Milk for my coffee.

Therapist: Besides the weather, would you like to talk about why you were laughing?

She: Yes, thank you for asking. I was thinking of going over to Gail Ann’s Coffee Shop and spending $1.50 for a really good cup of coffee and having a nice chat, but decided not to indulge myself.

Therapist: Anything else?

She: OK, are you charging, or is this free?

Therapist: I’ll tell you later, but your story better be good.

She: Desperate Housewives opened last night with one of the women using a mop, upside down washing spaghetti sauce off of her ceiling.

Therapist: Yeh, and her husband walked in and reminded her she had done that before!

She: So, my visit is free?

Therapist: You bet.

She: Have a great morning, dear therapist.

 

Naughty nighties, oh, no, not that way!

Dear Ladies’ Nightgown Industry Head Honchos:

Re:  Nightgowns and Winter Time.

Please, dear designers, consider redesigning nightgowns for those of us who live in a climate that includes winter.

Why do I wear one if not to keep warm? Because the sheets are cold and the nightie is warm. I am warm from the day and my shower. When I slide between the sheets for that first few minutes, my body is saved by my nightie. It’s saved from the shock of putting my nice warm back and bum on the cold sheet.

Soon, soon . . . my shoulders are cold, cold I tell you. The neckline is more suitable for a pop-up bra commercial. There I am with my sheet and blanket carefully arranged at my chin to keep my shoulders warm, and then I roll over and have to adjust the covers all over again. Then I roll over on my other side – you see what I mean? My Nightie is designed to keep me awake all night adjusting it to keep my shoulders under the covers. If the nightie came up nice and warm and soft around my neck, it wouldn’t matter if I got those covers just right. And, oh, a bit of sleeve, ah, that’s it.

And the volume of fabric, goodness! There I are on my back. Fine. Then I roll over and all that fabric has to be rearranged. As I fall asleep, I turn on my side and untwist all that fabric. Its fine when I turn the first time, but now, again, you see what I mean? Try untwisting all that and not waking up. I say, “How dumb a design is that!” and I write a letter in my head to you all as I try to assemble myself once again.

Which leads me to say, nightgowns are too long or two short. If they are too long, there is altogether too much fabric to fight with. If they are too short they don’t quite fit under my bum so it’s cold, and I have nothing under me when I sit to watch TV. Some designers understand, and I thank them, but I do have to look high and wide for just the right length, a modest neckline, a slim cut without so much fabric.

And by the way, ditch your scratchy nighty designer labels. Dear designers, rub your chosen label across your cheek. No, not that one, the one on your face. Do you see what I mean? I cut them off and your brand name is lost for good. Summer is coming soon, and I won’t have to wear a nightie at all. So, maybe you can work on these problems over the summer. That would be wonderful.

Sincerely yours,

Nancy

© Nancy Haydon Gray June 8, 2014 Newark, Delaware